Well.. almost 3 years since my wedding.. Given the fact that mine was an arranged one, it is some what weird that this realization dawns on me now! “How can your love be arranged?”
I don’t mean to say that all arranged marriages are a failure! Of course ours is successful and we are living happily (with all the qualities I have mentioned few lines below;)) and we are confident that we will continue to live like that! So, do I mean to say that all love marriages are 100% successful? Again, No! I have seen many love marriages fail miserably due to various reasons! However, I do say that one should not blindly accept their parents arranging their love life. Your love can never be arranged! And love marriages, I believe, help in kick starting your married life in a smoother and easier way! (In the later years, it is up to the individual to keep his/her life running smoothly. External factor’s influence is very minimal!!)
I feel that arranged marriages are better (may not be in all cases), because..
I see that when people are in love, first of all they fall in love with like-minded people or someone they really admire. I mean, you will fall in love only when something strongly attracts you or you start admiring the person for some reason – which is one of the most important factors for keeping relationships alive! You know, I feel that ‘crush’ has to be there till you die! Else, your life becomes dull!
And they do not move to the big step – “the marriage” which is a indeed a life long commitment to love your partner, unless and until they get an idea of how the other person is. I mean, they get some understanding before they make a big step! Like I said about “package-concept in life” in another post, when in love, they understand what their love package is all about and they continue only when they ‘feel’ that they are compatible with the package! These days, I don’t think we have those love at first sight couples. Even if happens, people are so matured/practical that they decently bade good-byes to each other if they find out their compatibility level is lower to manage things in practical life.
In arranged marriages, all you get is at most 3-4 months of phone conversation before the actual wedding. I am sure everyone will agree that is definitely not enough to understand your ‘love-package’! And in that 3-4 months, it is not just your future life partner but the entire would-be in-law family that you have to understand. (really a big package to understand in a shorter time!)
Trust, love, admiration for each other are running at higher spirits when you are in love and they do keep running high in the beginning years of their married life! This definitely helps in boosting your confidence about your relationship. But it is not the case for arranged marriage. Of course, we do start with trust, love and admiration but then somewhere in the corner of mind, doubts appear out of nowhere about what’s going on! Don’t they?
Basically, I am saying that you get emotionally oriented towards your partner when you know him/her before for quite some time. And this definitely plays a role in at least starting your life smooth!
However, there is something in arranged marriages that the love marriages don’t give you! “Thrill”! Its definitely thrilling in a way, to start your life with a person you barely know! And what you need the most in arranged marriages is an open mind to accept what life has in for you ahead!
So, what do you think? Arranged marriages are better than their love counterparts? Feel free to open up your mind and share your views as comments..